"You can't find peace until you find all the pieces." - The Locator.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
A New Year, A New You?
I know I've talked about "resolutions" already. But whatever. Just because it's a new year doesn't really mean that ANYTHING is changing drastically OR soon. As I said before, any kind of change that you really want to see will be a process. So resolutions typically don't work because people are so set on the destination, that they forget about the journey to take them there. And people have not taken the time to think about what that journey means.
So all these away messages and facebook statuses that I'm seeing about "new year, new me"...are really lost on me. Because most of you people are not going to change. And you're only going to be pissed when 2010 rolls around and you're still acting the damn same. Oh, and PLEASE do not make resolutions for/about other people. Keep your goals to what is in your control. You will only be disappointed if so and so doesn't conform to a goal that you made for yourself through them.
If you're going to make a plan of action, you need to also make some backup plans, and some ground rules of satisfaction. So that if your goal is not met, there is a lesser degree of contentedness that you can find within yourself so that you're not spending the next 12 months of your life pining over what you have not accomplished yet.
Be smart. Take it slow. Be realistic. But also, and probably most important, know when the time is right. Know your motivation style, and don't force it. Me losing 30 pounds ain't the same for you, boo. Know your capabilities, know your limits. Work within a balance.
And learn the whole way through....
So all these away messages and facebook statuses that I'm seeing about "new year, new me"...are really lost on me. Because most of you people are not going to change. And you're only going to be pissed when 2010 rolls around and you're still acting the damn same. Oh, and PLEASE do not make resolutions for/about other people. Keep your goals to what is in your control. You will only be disappointed if so and so doesn't conform to a goal that you made for yourself through them.
If you're going to make a plan of action, you need to also make some backup plans, and some ground rules of satisfaction. So that if your goal is not met, there is a lesser degree of contentedness that you can find within yourself so that you're not spending the next 12 months of your life pining over what you have not accomplished yet.
Be smart. Take it slow. Be realistic. But also, and probably most important, know when the time is right. Know your motivation style, and don't force it. Me losing 30 pounds ain't the same for you, boo. Know your capabilities, know your limits. Work within a balance.
And learn the whole way through....
Love During Sex
When people say "I love you, [insert correct name here, preferably]" during sex, do you believe them? Can you believe them?
What is it that makes people say some magic words during the act of intercourse? Does that make the sex (lovemaking) better? Have they said it to you outside of intercourse? Is there such a rush of emotion and feeling during sex, so many hormones being poured out into (and onto) the other person, that there will likely be these uncontrollable outbursts?
Sometimes, I think that people feel more love during sex than in any other aspect of their relationship. Can this be why so many ladies "give it up" to keep the man? Or feel as though he's the one because the sex is so good? Or maintain a relationship with a dude who's really not right because the game is SO good? (whether they realize this or not...) Because during this act is when they feel loved by someone the most?
Was it Usher who proposed to Chili during sex? (Someone let me know if I'm wrong.) But for real, can what is said during passionate love making be taken outside of the act itself? There are many instances of both appropriate and inappropriate words said during sex by both partners. Whether they are confessions of feelings, instructions on what to do, or raunchy words that border on sadochism/masochism.
So are we more likely to accept what is said in the heat of the moment?
Just thinkin on the keyboard...
What is it that makes people say some magic words during the act of intercourse? Does that make the sex (lovemaking) better? Have they said it to you outside of intercourse? Is there such a rush of emotion and feeling during sex, so many hormones being poured out into (and onto) the other person, that there will likely be these uncontrollable outbursts?
Sometimes, I think that people feel more love during sex than in any other aspect of their relationship. Can this be why so many ladies "give it up" to keep the man? Or feel as though he's the one because the sex is so good? Or maintain a relationship with a dude who's really not right because the game is SO good? (whether they realize this or not...) Because during this act is when they feel loved by someone the most?
Was it Usher who proposed to Chili during sex? (Someone let me know if I'm wrong.) But for real, can what is said during passionate love making be taken outside of the act itself? There are many instances of both appropriate and inappropriate words said during sex by both partners. Whether they are confessions of feelings, instructions on what to do, or raunchy words that border on sadochism/masochism.
So are we more likely to accept what is said in the heat of the moment?
Just thinkin on the keyboard...
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Lessons.
I am sooooo behind on posts. I have so many drafts to complete! I don't know I thought coming to Jersey for the holidays would be a break! Promise to come back soon...but things I've been thinking -
--when the ex boyfriend/lover REALLY become the ex in your mind, body and soul? What are the signs? How are the interactions, if any?
--I'm the "therapist" in my bunch of friends, so I've had years of practice at GOOD listening, being objective and giving good advice. but I've only JUST realized myself releasing judgment...is it because I'm maturing? or because I'm actually learning more theory/practice through working with psychotic people? or is it because I'm tired of people judging me??
--friends....are lifelines. They pick you up when you're down. they keep you up when you're climbing. But, they're also overrated, and I'm fine with cutting down. Actually, I'm perfecting the art of cutting down. And cutting out. Does wonders for my phone bills!
--ever have those people in your life (romantically speaking) that you KNOW you'd be good with in a relationship...even if just for a short while? I have one. and...it kind of freaks me out.
--family. A gift and a curse. But I wouldn't change mine for the world! I just wish I was closer to extended family...something that will be hard for me to keep up with from the Midwest...but I will try!
That's all for now. I'll be sure to post some stuff by the weekend!
--when the ex boyfriend/lover REALLY become the ex in your mind, body and soul? What are the signs? How are the interactions, if any?
--I'm the "therapist" in my bunch of friends, so I've had years of practice at GOOD listening, being objective and giving good advice. but I've only JUST realized myself releasing judgment...is it because I'm maturing? or because I'm actually learning more theory/practice through working with psychotic people? or is it because I'm tired of people judging me??
--friends....are lifelines. They pick you up when you're down. they keep you up when you're climbing. But, they're also overrated, and I'm fine with cutting down. Actually, I'm perfecting the art of cutting down. And cutting out. Does wonders for my phone bills!
--ever have those people in your life (romantically speaking) that you KNOW you'd be good with in a relationship...even if just for a short while? I have one. and...it kind of freaks me out.
--family. A gift and a curse. But I wouldn't change mine for the world! I just wish I was closer to extended family...something that will be hard for me to keep up with from the Midwest...but I will try!
That's all for now. I'll be sure to post some stuff by the weekend!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
OTB's Resolutions
Not to brag, but I've got a lot and don't really need anything for Christmas. But, that never stops a girl from wanting! And by alot, I really mean love. I have great friends, an outstanding (and crazy, and neurotic inducing) family, good health, attainable goals and a promising future. I try not to ask for more. And the year of 2008 brought me feelings of love that I didn't know I had in me. And feelings I didn't know another person could have for me, for that matter.
So, I'm good.
I won't call these New Year's Resolutions (although they're obviously being made around the time) because they are continuous. I don't only want to work on these things from January 1st 2009, to maybe March, so I can say that I at least tried. These are ongoing things to keep me on my A game. Because I have no option to be on anything less, from here on out.
But 2009? I'm definitely comin' in swingin'. Nothing tangible. More interpersonal, intellectual, and interpsychic.
1. I need and want to be a better friend. I've changed, and the people who I know and love have changed. I need to find that balance, and work on it. Strong friendships can only make you a stronger person.
2. I'm declaring war on my will to be and to feel happy. I will think with my heart more (which may get me in trouble), but which I won't regret.
3. I will be more honest. With you, and with myself. Lying to yourself only hurts you in the end. And...my lies to myself never stick. So it's a damn waste of my time!
4. Care less. My energy levels aren't like they used to be, so caring about everything and anything just wears me out. This, will be a tough one, maybe my toughest, I promise.
5. Do more. I need to be more proactive than reactive.
And that's all I can think of for now. Again, nothing exhaustive, and ever-expanding. Off to wrap presents!
So, I'm good.
I won't call these New Year's Resolutions (although they're obviously being made around the time) because they are continuous. I don't only want to work on these things from January 1st 2009, to maybe March, so I can say that I at least tried. These are ongoing things to keep me on my A game. Because I have no option to be on anything less, from here on out.
But 2009? I'm definitely comin' in swingin'. Nothing tangible. More interpersonal, intellectual, and interpsychic.
1. I need and want to be a better friend. I've changed, and the people who I know and love have changed. I need to find that balance, and work on it. Strong friendships can only make you a stronger person.
2. I'm declaring war on my will to be and to feel happy. I will think with my heart more (which may get me in trouble), but which I won't regret.
3. I will be more honest. With you, and with myself. Lying to yourself only hurts you in the end. And...my lies to myself never stick. So it's a damn waste of my time!
4. Care less. My energy levels aren't like they used to be, so caring about everything and anything just wears me out. This, will be a tough one, maybe my toughest, I promise.
5. Do more. I need to be more proactive than reactive.
And that's all I can think of for now. Again, nothing exhaustive, and ever-expanding. Off to wrap presents!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
In Control.
I'm not the best person in the world. I'm not the nicest person in the world. In fact, I have numerous faults. Some that I'm ashamed of, some that I've tried to hide, some that I've learned to live with, some I try to ignore, and some I've tried to chop down. Sometimes my morals are non-existent, and I'm not always a lady. My smile is typically plastered on my face, and I tend to analyze any and everything that you say or do.
Sometimes I curse, and sometimes I'm irrational. Sometimes I get mad at the wrong person, and I don't apologize. Sometimes I'm very spiteful when I feel as though I've been wronged.
I can't cook that well, and if you really give a damn about that for wife purposes, you should look elsewhere. I also don't clean as regularly as I should. My place is frequently a mess, and I tend to clean when I'm about to have company, or when I get pissed that I can't find something that I'm looking for.
I don't pay all of my bills on time every month and I'm not great at saving. I don't always do my homework. I procrastinate like a professional. Sometimes I'm a bad friend. Sometimes I'm a hypocrite. Hey, sometimes I'm a straightup and downright bitch. And while I know this, don't you dare come out of your mouth and call me on it.
Sometimes I'm passive aggressive because I feel like being outwardly mean will cause a confrontation. Leading to, sometimes I'm a punk. Sometimes I start arguments just to win, and sometimes I start arguments with you to prove that you care. Sometimes I point out flaws in others as a way of denying them in myself.
Sometimes I act like the "typical" girl and sometimes I act like the "typical" dude. I get emotional, and know the perfect way to be a brat to get my way. Sometimes I'm rude to you, and don't really give a damn, no matter how much your feelings have been hurt.
My hair isn't always done, and I don't shower twice a day. Or every day for that matter. Sometimes I don't do laundry for months, until I'm down to bikini bottoms or washing old underwear by hand to wear the next day. Sometimes I pick my nose, and if there is no tissue handy, I "roll and blow." I don't act like an adult all the time, and my maturity wavers.
I've fallen for men for the wrong reason. I've had sex for the wrong reason. I've put myself in situations where all I could do is lose, but I just knew in my heart that I should win. I've conducted myself in ways that my mother would not be proud of. I've done things that my father would cringe at. And my brother and sister? Basically, they know very little about me.
I don't tell my friends everything and I've lied to all of them before at least once. Sometimes, the truth doesn't always come out and honesty is not always the best policy. I've hurt other women before to get what I want from a man, knowingly and unknowingly. My eyebrows are not always done, and if you saw my feet right now, you'd call the police. Sometimes I try too hard to get attention, just to prove that I still got it, and sometimes I shy away from attention for fear that I won't get any. I'm insecure on the occasion about my weight, size, height and intellectual capabilities. And sometimes I think that I won't be a good therapist.
Some of these things, I'm in control of. Some of this, I'm not. This is all to say, that with all of my flaws, I am still unconditionally in love with myself. I am generally proud of my accomplishments, and I am in love with the way that I love people. Many of these things about me will never change. While I do have some regrets, they have all taught me more about myself and the way that I choose to interact with others. I still sometimes conduct myself in ways that I'm not proud of, but being older, and being wiser, these are decisions that I have chosen to make, to try to secure my happiness in whatever area of my life. Whether I get what I want or get bit in the ass, the choices are mine now, and no longer a consequence of not knowing any better.
I'm in control of my life enough now to follow my mind only when I want to, and to follow my heart when I feel like I need to. The importance of this balance has just been realized, and although I may never get it right, I am comfortable and confident enough in myself to know that it would only be wrong to do it any other way.
Sometimes I curse, and sometimes I'm irrational. Sometimes I get mad at the wrong person, and I don't apologize. Sometimes I'm very spiteful when I feel as though I've been wronged.
I can't cook that well, and if you really give a damn about that for wife purposes, you should look elsewhere. I also don't clean as regularly as I should. My place is frequently a mess, and I tend to clean when I'm about to have company, or when I get pissed that I can't find something that I'm looking for.
I don't pay all of my bills on time every month and I'm not great at saving. I don't always do my homework. I procrastinate like a professional. Sometimes I'm a bad friend. Sometimes I'm a hypocrite. Hey, sometimes I'm a straightup and downright bitch. And while I know this, don't you dare come out of your mouth and call me on it.
Sometimes I'm passive aggressive because I feel like being outwardly mean will cause a confrontation. Leading to, sometimes I'm a punk. Sometimes I start arguments just to win, and sometimes I start arguments with you to prove that you care. Sometimes I point out flaws in others as a way of denying them in myself.
Sometimes I act like the "typical" girl and sometimes I act like the "typical" dude. I get emotional, and know the perfect way to be a brat to get my way. Sometimes I'm rude to you, and don't really give a damn, no matter how much your feelings have been hurt.
My hair isn't always done, and I don't shower twice a day. Or every day for that matter. Sometimes I don't do laundry for months, until I'm down to bikini bottoms or washing old underwear by hand to wear the next day. Sometimes I pick my nose, and if there is no tissue handy, I "roll and blow." I don't act like an adult all the time, and my maturity wavers.
I've fallen for men for the wrong reason. I've had sex for the wrong reason. I've put myself in situations where all I could do is lose, but I just knew in my heart that I should win. I've conducted myself in ways that my mother would not be proud of. I've done things that my father would cringe at. And my brother and sister? Basically, they know very little about me.
I don't tell my friends everything and I've lied to all of them before at least once. Sometimes, the truth doesn't always come out and honesty is not always the best policy. I've hurt other women before to get what I want from a man, knowingly and unknowingly. My eyebrows are not always done, and if you saw my feet right now, you'd call the police. Sometimes I try too hard to get attention, just to prove that I still got it, and sometimes I shy away from attention for fear that I won't get any. I'm insecure on the occasion about my weight, size, height and intellectual capabilities. And sometimes I think that I won't be a good therapist.
Some of these things, I'm in control of. Some of this, I'm not. This is all to say, that with all of my flaws, I am still unconditionally in love with myself. I am generally proud of my accomplishments, and I am in love with the way that I love people. Many of these things about me will never change. While I do have some regrets, they have all taught me more about myself and the way that I choose to interact with others. I still sometimes conduct myself in ways that I'm not proud of, but being older, and being wiser, these are decisions that I have chosen to make, to try to secure my happiness in whatever area of my life. Whether I get what I want or get bit in the ass, the choices are mine now, and no longer a consequence of not knowing any better.
I'm in control of my life enough now to follow my mind only when I want to, and to follow my heart when I feel like I need to. The importance of this balance has just been realized, and although I may never get it right, I am comfortable and confident enough in myself to know that it would only be wrong to do it any other way.
Marta Train Madness.
check this out and comment please. Her family claims that BiPolar Disorder is at play and she has affectionately been named "Soulja Girl," by people who have watched this or who were there. What do you think?
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Way to Let Yourself Go.
I couldn't believe it when I saw one of these pictures on a friend's facebook page. Had to do some investigative work (that I've become so good at...)
holla @ ya boy!
holla @ ya boy!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Really?
this is disgusting. i am appalled. why would you want this? how do you get this? do you like this? is this what's hot?
thanks www.dlisted.com
thanks www.dlisted.com
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
2009
I'm not really big on cooking. It's not that I can't. (not saying that I can) I just don't. Too tired. Too lazy. Many things that I'd want to make/eat require specific ingredients that I just cannot find at my Mexican corner store.
So I've decided to make some changes. When is a better time than the new year??
2009 will be my recipe year.
I don't know if that means that I'll be collecting recipes, trying recipes of others, or digging in and making some new stuff. But, with a new kitchen (hopefully to be remodeled by early 2009), I will have new vigor and a new interest in being healthier and getting my "grown" on. We'll see.
Here's to good food in 2009! (and probably some bad food along the way... ;)
So I've decided to make some changes. When is a better time than the new year??
2009 will be my recipe year.
I don't know if that means that I'll be collecting recipes, trying recipes of others, or digging in and making some new stuff. But, with a new kitchen (hopefully to be remodeled by early 2009), I will have new vigor and a new interest in being healthier and getting my "grown" on. We'll see.
Here's to good food in 2009! (and probably some bad food along the way... ;)
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Suga Nuggets. Really, Though?
So, 90's R&B singer and tryna be a comback kid Keith Sweat is endorsing the 25th anniversary of McDonald's Chicken McNuggets. So there is a REAL song with him declaring his love for McNuggets like he was talkin to his boo snatch or somethin'. Not like my favorite commercial, but a REAL SONG!
Wow McDonald's. Killin me this quarter! And I can't even be mad at them, cuz at 1100am on the dot, I'm takin' my butt right over to Mickey D's and coppin a 10 piece nugget with sweet & sour sauce. Yup.
Link below is to his website, on the page where his "new hit" is playing...enjoy!
http://www.designalkhemy.com/client/mcd_ksweat/dd-formmailer.php
Wow McDonald's. Killin me this quarter! And I can't even be mad at them, cuz at 1100am on the dot, I'm takin' my butt right over to Mickey D's and coppin a 10 piece nugget with sweet & sour sauce. Yup.
Link below is to his website, on the page where his "new hit" is playing...enjoy!
http://www.designalkhemy.com/client/mcd_ksweat/dd-formmailer.php
Friday, December 5, 2008
Beggars.
I've heard alot of stories regarding begging lately. A LOT. Men begging, women begging. Begging for sex, begging for love, begging for companionship. Just plain begging.
And I must say, that shit is disgusting to me. Say that I have too much pride, whatever. But, I do not beg, boo. And if I WAS going to beg, it would have to be after IIIIIIIIII did something wrong!
#1 Case in Point: Woman begs man to stay with her, after she hears that he is in love with someone else, and wants to leave the current situation. Woman proceeds to beg man to stay with her because she loves him more, and because of their history together. Woman begs man to be with her physically, after there have been enough circumstances to safely say that he is not attracted to her too much. We won't get into how said man responded.
BUT, really though? We're gonna beg a man to stay with us, who has been playing us out on occasion after occasion? We're gonna beg a man to stay with us, who has expressed that he wants to be elsewhere? Where's ya head at? Where's ya self esteem? WHERE IS YOUR STAR PLAYER? (get wit that Kat Williams)
It saddens me, sickens me, confuses me, makes me laugh, etc. I just don't understand. If I did nothing wrong in this situation, what the hell am I begging you for? That's embarrassing. No other words for it. Embarrassing. Disgracing. Distasteful. Pitiful, and pathetic. And for SEX nonetheless? Isn't that like, an oxymoron? A woman begging for some sex? I didn't even know we could form our mouths around the words to even ask for that shit. Let alone beg someone for it. As my friend always says: Not on my watch.
#2 Case in point: Man begs for sex. That's a no-no. Like, a STRICT no-no. It's a turn off. You that pressed that you're about to beg me for the goods? Regardless of how "good" the goods may be, where is your self esteem? And for women in a situation where said man does the begging, is the thrill still there afterward? I don't think I'd want to get down with you after you beg, boo. Note: there are different forms of begging that come from a man. There's the relationship sex type begging where he just wants some MORE sex, and may bother you alot one night/morning, whichever. This is not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about someone you're casually sexin', or someone you haven't even BEGUN to sex, who is really sitting there begging you. Like "please," "just for a lil bit," "please let me just put the tip in," "i won't ask again after this, please, i really need some tonight," type nonsense.
Get outta here with that. Because I'm more familiar with the man begging scenario, I'm more pissed at the woman begging situation. Because in that situation (which could be a man in that place as well), she's begging for love. She's begging for a relationship. And that what saddens my heart. Love is something that needs to be natural. A realtionship should be something that both parties want. With each other. Love should not be a contingency plan, folks. No collateral should be involved. And when there is, just know that love won't last.
With that said, beggars beware. Cuz you might get what you ask for, but you'll never get what you need.
And I must say, that shit is disgusting to me. Say that I have too much pride, whatever. But, I do not beg, boo. And if I WAS going to beg, it would have to be after IIIIIIIIII did something wrong!
#1 Case in Point: Woman begs man to stay with her, after she hears that he is in love with someone else, and wants to leave the current situation. Woman proceeds to beg man to stay with her because she loves him more, and because of their history together. Woman begs man to be with her physically, after there have been enough circumstances to safely say that he is not attracted to her too much. We won't get into how said man responded.
BUT, really though? We're gonna beg a man to stay with us, who has been playing us out on occasion after occasion? We're gonna beg a man to stay with us, who has expressed that he wants to be elsewhere? Where's ya head at? Where's ya self esteem? WHERE IS YOUR STAR PLAYER? (get wit that Kat Williams)
It saddens me, sickens me, confuses me, makes me laugh, etc. I just don't understand. If I did nothing wrong in this situation, what the hell am I begging you for? That's embarrassing. No other words for it. Embarrassing. Disgracing. Distasteful. Pitiful, and pathetic. And for SEX nonetheless? Isn't that like, an oxymoron? A woman begging for some sex? I didn't even know we could form our mouths around the words to even ask for that shit. Let alone beg someone for it. As my friend always says: Not on my watch.
#2 Case in point: Man begs for sex. That's a no-no. Like, a STRICT no-no. It's a turn off. You that pressed that you're about to beg me for the goods? Regardless of how "good" the goods may be, where is your self esteem? And for women in a situation where said man does the begging, is the thrill still there afterward? I don't think I'd want to get down with you after you beg, boo. Note: there are different forms of begging that come from a man. There's the relationship sex type begging where he just wants some MORE sex, and may bother you alot one night/morning, whichever. This is not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about someone you're casually sexin', or someone you haven't even BEGUN to sex, who is really sitting there begging you. Like "please," "just for a lil bit," "please let me just put the tip in," "i won't ask again after this, please, i really need some tonight," type nonsense.
Get outta here with that. Because I'm more familiar with the man begging scenario, I'm more pissed at the woman begging situation. Because in that situation (which could be a man in that place as well), she's begging for love. She's begging for a relationship. And that what saddens my heart. Love is something that needs to be natural. A realtionship should be something that both parties want. With each other. Love should not be a contingency plan, folks. No collateral should be involved. And when there is, just know that love won't last.
With that said, beggars beware. Cuz you might get what you ask for, but you'll never get what you need.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
World AIDS Day 2008
Public Service Announcement Time folks. Today, December 1st, 2008 marks the 20th anniversary of World AIDS Day. I'm sure there are many places in your area where you can pick up a free red ribbon and wear this is honor of the day and pledging a small, silent dedication to this very important cause.
Take the time to remember those you've known, seen, or heard of that have been impacted by HIV and AIDS. IMPACTED, not died from, not sick from, but have felt the effect of knowing someone or losing someone to the disease. Trust me, you know more people that have been impacted than you may think.
Studies are saying that Black women have become the new face of HIV and AIDS. Tough statistics I have heard say that up to between 75% and 82% of new HIV cases PER YEAR are minority women; Black women making up the majority of that percentage. But remember, just because of that, does not mean that HIV / AIDS has a target population. Anyone can be infected, at any time. GET TESTED, wrap that shit up, use clean needles, do whatever you have to do to protect yourself and others. While there are medications out there that can help you live out a full and long lasting life, there is still reason to be cautious.
Be on your J.O.B. Educate yourself. Educate others. Educate children. Educate parents. Today is not the only day to do this, but it's the present day, and I can't think of any better time to start!
GET TESTED. I ain't gon tell you again. I don't give a damn how long you been with him/her, if you know their parents, or if you know all of his/her ex-lovers. The majority of the problem is that people DO NOT KNOW that they have been infected, and therefore do not act accordingly. Many places offer free testing, and if you're nervous, try to go with a friend for support. Results are always confidential and trust me, getting tested of your own will is the best case scenario than what can possibly happen next.
Take responsibility for yourself. Studies show that African Americans should be getting tested twice a year nowadays. So get your shit together. I don't give a damn if you haven't had even a BREATH of sweet lovin in the past year, GET TESTED. (Last time I'm telling you)
www.worldaidscampaign.org
Take the time to remember those you've known, seen, or heard of that have been impacted by HIV and AIDS. IMPACTED, not died from, not sick from, but have felt the effect of knowing someone or losing someone to the disease. Trust me, you know more people that have been impacted than you may think.
Studies are saying that Black women have become the new face of HIV and AIDS. Tough statistics I have heard say that up to between 75% and 82% of new HIV cases PER YEAR are minority women; Black women making up the majority of that percentage. But remember, just because of that, does not mean that HIV / AIDS has a target population. Anyone can be infected, at any time. GET TESTED, wrap that shit up, use clean needles, do whatever you have to do to protect yourself and others. While there are medications out there that can help you live out a full and long lasting life, there is still reason to be cautious.
Be on your J.O.B. Educate yourself. Educate others. Educate children. Educate parents. Today is not the only day to do this, but it's the present day, and I can't think of any better time to start!
GET TESTED. I ain't gon tell you again. I don't give a damn how long you been with him/her, if you know their parents, or if you know all of his/her ex-lovers. The majority of the problem is that people DO NOT KNOW that they have been infected, and therefore do not act accordingly. Many places offer free testing, and if you're nervous, try to go with a friend for support. Results are always confidential and trust me, getting tested of your own will is the best case scenario than what can possibly happen next.
Take responsibility for yourself. Studies show that African Americans should be getting tested twice a year nowadays. So get your shit together. I don't give a damn if you haven't had even a BREATH of sweet lovin in the past year, GET TESTED. (Last time I'm telling you)
www.worldaidscampaign.org
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Tip Toe Tip Toe...
I have been searching for this commercial for WEEKS, and finally people got up on it! Lookin' like Bill Bellamy mixed with Keith Sweat & Tank circa spring '92...
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Tears.
It could all be so simple
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
[Hook]
No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy
I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will
[Repeat Hook]
Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me
There for me, there for me
Said you'd be there for me
Cry for me, cry for me
You said you'd die for me
Give to me, give to me
Why won't you live for me
But you'd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
[Hook]
No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy
I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will
[Repeat Hook]
Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me
There for me, there for me
Said you'd be there for me
Cry for me, cry for me
You said you'd die for me
Give to me, give to me
Why won't you live for me
This song always get me. Today, in particular, I was no match for Lauryn. She spoke, she sang, she moved me. In a good way. This is not a song that makes me regret. Not a song that makes me mad or sad.Just makes me think.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Stunning.
B. in 1976 in NYC, Rochelle Aytes is known for her roles in Madea's Family Reunion (gettin that ass beat by Blair Underwood and pimped out by her mother, Lynn Whitfield). Also played Denise in White Chicks, and Leigh in FOX's Drive series.
Rochelle was born and raised in Harlem of New York City and lived in St. Nicholas Projects . Rochelle Aytes was born on May 17, 1976, in Chico California . Rochelle attended LaGuardia High School, and she graduated from State University of New York Purchase College with a BA in Fine Arts.
Rochelle also played Dr Cameron Sayoran's little sister in Bones.
She's fabulous.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
I KNOW You Feel Me!
I know. I done done it now. I can hear the "oh snap!"'s going through my blog crowd. If you were cool, if you were for real back in '94, you know that THIS is the original damn crime drama. Forget all these scientific CSI's and NCIS's. This was the fiction version of Cops, and in the HOOD! Loved it. Everything about it. I still remember the episodes where Torres got blown up in the car, and then when Williams and Moreno hooked up after his death! Shame.Oh, and when Det. Macnamara (not pictured above because he joined the cast later) came on the scene, crazy ass white boy cop. Oh, and G's big ass head! (Which is still very big, but he's grown some.) And then when TOMMY (from Martin) became their boss in the last season?!? What was THAT about?? Yo, and the cop killer, that eventually ended everything for the show...that was some tough TV stuff to watch. And Williams dating Michael Michele and how they killed her?? Maaaaaaaan. Oh, and how they ALWAYS had a hott track playing to open up the show?? Beautiful mix of hip-hop, fiction, street-wise knowledge and acting.
Loved it. Miss it. Want it back.
Doing It His Way
President-elect Barack Obama will name, Desirée Rogers, a prominent Chicago businesswoman and Harvard MBA, the first African-American White House social secretary, sources in the presidential transition office said yesterday.
Rogers, 49, is a friend of Michelle and President-elect Barack Obama's, and a leader in Chicago corporate and civic circles; her appointment signals that the first couple consider the job crucial to how they introduce themselves to the country and the globe. She was a major fundraiser for Obama, according to The Washington Post.
"This appointment sends a strong message that the Obamas want to use the White House strategically, to maximize its use in a way that is consistent with their philosophy -- [to] open it to a broader range of people, " said Valerie Jarrett, an Obama intimate and friend of Rogers's who also will work in the White House. "Desirée is a heavy hitter -- she comes with her own range of contacts from around the country. She's close to Michelle and she knows everyone who will be working in the West Wing, so she will be able to create a synergy."
The position of social secretary is more influential and far-reaching than the title might suggest. Although the job is associated with working with the first lady and with entertaining -- and best known for staging state dinners for heads of countries -- the social secretary's office is responsible for every event or ceremony that occurs in the White House or on the grounds. The day after the inauguration, for example, Rogers will be responsible for organizing the swearing-in of the Cabinet. Ann Stock, a social secretary in the Clinton White House, was once charged with pulling together the signing of the historic Mideast peace agreement in four days, for 4,000 guests.
"It's like running a small agency," said Stock, who briefed Rogers on the job last week. "Her business savvy, and her marketing skills will all come into play. Her close relationship with the Obamas is very important because she comes to the job already understanding their preferences."
Rogers will come to the White House from Allstate Financial, where she was hired last summer to create a social network of consumers and clients for the mammoth business. Prior to that, Rogers was the president of Peoples Gas and North Shore Gas, a $2 billion utility that she had headed since 2004; she worked at the company starting in 1997 as its chief marketing officer. In the early '90s, she was director of the Illinois Lottery. She received her undergraduate degree from Wellesley College, and her daughter is a student at Yale.
Rogers has long been part of the Obamas' inner circle. She was once married to John Rogers, a close friend of President-elect Obama's, who played basketball with Michelle Obama's brother Craig Robinson at Princeton. John Rogers will be a co-chairman of the inaugural committee, reports the Post.
Rogers is also committed to making the White House a fun place for the Obama daughters, Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7, sources said. Most important, the Obamas and Rogers will develop creative ways to bring a broad spectrum of people through the White House, "so it's the people's house again," Jarrett said. "This campaign engaged a lot of people in ways they had not engaged before. This is about continuing to capture that excitement."
article courtesy of www.livesteez.com
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Where Is He?
Does this question sound familiar?
Have you heard you friends say this?
Have you heard women on TV say this?
Have you heard you friends say this?
Have you heard women on TV say this?
The infamous, "WHERE IS HE?" question runs rampant, and I must say, especially in the Black community because we're apparently pressed for good men! (Or so they say...the gender ratio is a whole 'nother post y'all) But anyway, many women find themselves asking themselves, their friends and their family this very question. And, trust, this question doesn't go away until they find "him!" And the longer he takes, the longer the question stands, and the more we begin to doubt ourselves or take a microscope to missed chances of the past...
I have a few friends who ask this question. Some way seriously, some only in times of sadness. But..they ask. Hey, I've even thought about the question before. But then I find myself getting too upset to even dare indulge it. Cuz honestly, this question annoys me. In fact, lately, it's actually pissed me off. I roll my eyes at the question. In the words of a good friend, "I spit" at this damn question. And I am very concerned at the increasing rates of Black women asking this question.
The # of women that I come across that have been pinned down by, cut down by, sent into psychological distress by, and dependent on this question to define themselves scares me. Now, I'm not saying not to be a fan of love and not to want to be in love and have someone love you. In my current situation, you KNOW I can't even go there! I am ALL about love! And I can only wish that every single person in this world could experience 14% of the feelings of love that I have for someone, and they'd be good in this area! But...I digress.
Anyway, my response to this question from now on, is (obviously not with clients):
Where are YOU?
Forget where he is. Forget what he's doing. Forget the fact that he's driving you mad and crazy, making you wait on him. Where are YOU in YOUR life, where you can't seem to function properly without him or the prospect of him? Where are YOU where you find yourself complaining about being unhappy with life because you're single or have been single for too long for it to be doing any good? Where are YOU with YOURSELF when you become dependent on another person (whoever that person may be) for you to shine through, do your thing, and have your own? Why are you waiting for him? What has he promised you, that you can only get from him?
I'll tell you what he HASN'T promised you, boo. He has NOT said that he would make you completely happy. He has NOT said that with him, you will be successful in the most important respects to you. He has NOT told you that with him, you will feel complete. Shit, he ain't even tell you he's on his way! He canNOT grant you that education, or that experience that you're getting. He has NOT promised to provide for you (or your family) upon his arrival.
So, please tell me, what are you really waiting for? And before you answer, look up the Cinderalla complex. Then look up the Prince Charming complex. Interpret what you find. Interpret what that means to you. Let it sink in that this is real world, and you must have your own. We're in a recession. Can't play no games!
Just thinkin on the keyboard...
Monday, November 24, 2008
Flipping Over Couches
Y'all know what tomorrow night is...REUNION episode!!
Tune into Bravo tomorrow night, 10pm eastern / 9pm central time. A full hour of more info, drama & catfights!
Do It? Don't Do It?
808s & Heartbreak...I heard good reviews from a close confidante Mia is Anita, so I'm probably gonna go with it...what y'all think?!?!?Heard it yet?
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Remember When?
Does anyone still watch this? I tried to watch it last week, but the cast change screwed with my mind. The original and the second cast that flowed in is all I can remember, and they were HILARIOUS.
Ms. Swan and Stewart? And Antonia? Unforgettable!
The Marriage Talk.
So me and my ABC were chattin' it up in our usual bid for weekly procrastination a while back. Today's subject: Ex-Boyfriends / Lovers. And the inevitable question of, "What if they get married first?" / "What's gonna happen WHEN they get married?" leading to more questions like, "How will I find out?" and "What would I say?" and "What would she be like?"
AY: 9:35:48 AM I'm really hurt by X's marriage. While I'm happy for him.
AY: 9:35:53 AM Actually, I think I'm just very jealous
AY: 9:36:07 AM He's my first "ex" to do this to me.
This, said my me, and duly noted later by myself that my narcissistic side came out full blast in thinking that someone else's marriage, happiness and way to lead their life, should somehow still pertain to me. The audacity! However, I'm honest in this blog life, and yeah dammit, I said it. And part of me really meant it.
Funny to think that when we think about exes, we think about them with regards to us. If we're doing well, we damn sure want them to run into us in the streets. If not, we don't want to be seen by them because we don't want to have to avoid the awkward questions, nor is it OK for THEM to be progressing. ESPECIALLY not in the romantic scene. If I am single and pissed, you damn sure better believe that I'm not tryna hear that X, Y OR Z is in a stable relationship and moving on. Right?
Is this really true? Do we really think this? Does it depend on the ex? Does it depend on your current situation?
I will admit, that with certain "exes," I am still interested in what their romantic lives are like. I mean, is that wrong? Cuz if so, I'm wrong all over the damn place. For these particular men, some part of me would jump if I heard that he were either dating seriously, getting married, or having a child with someone. With some others, I am completely unconcerned or happy for them.
So does this mean that I'm not over those particular men? Does this mean that I'm jealous? Does this mean that I can't move on?
I don't think it means any of those. And I don't want to say that "misery loves company," because I'm not miserable, and I've never wanted my exes to be miserable. That's not nice. I just think it really depends on your CURRENT relationship with that person, and how you felt about when you were with that person, as well as why you're not with them. For example, if dude was cheating on me left and right, stole my credit cards and slapped my dog, I likely might not be able to care less who's life he's messing up. But if he was the love of my life at the time, and we broke up due to...a move across country, let's just say that I might be on his facebook page more frequently than others...
Just thinkin on the keyboard...
AY: 9:35:48 AM I'm really hurt by X's marriage. While I'm happy for him.
AY: 9:35:53 AM Actually, I think I'm just very jealous
AY: 9:36:07 AM He's my first "ex" to do this to me.
This, said my me, and duly noted later by myself that my narcissistic side came out full blast in thinking that someone else's marriage, happiness and way to lead their life, should somehow still pertain to me. The audacity! However, I'm honest in this blog life, and yeah dammit, I said it. And part of me really meant it.
Funny to think that when we think about exes, we think about them with regards to us. If we're doing well, we damn sure want them to run into us in the streets. If not, we don't want to be seen by them because we don't want to have to avoid the awkward questions, nor is it OK for THEM to be progressing. ESPECIALLY not in the romantic scene. If I am single and pissed, you damn sure better believe that I'm not tryna hear that X, Y OR Z is in a stable relationship and moving on. Right?
Is this really true? Do we really think this? Does it depend on the ex? Does it depend on your current situation?
I will admit, that with certain "exes," I am still interested in what their romantic lives are like. I mean, is that wrong? Cuz if so, I'm wrong all over the damn place. For these particular men, some part of me would jump if I heard that he were either dating seriously, getting married, or having a child with someone. With some others, I am completely unconcerned or happy for them.
So does this mean that I'm not over those particular men? Does this mean that I'm jealous? Does this mean that I can't move on?
I don't think it means any of those. And I don't want to say that "misery loves company," because I'm not miserable, and I've never wanted my exes to be miserable. That's not nice. I just think it really depends on your CURRENT relationship with that person, and how you felt about when you were with that person, as well as why you're not with them. For example, if dude was cheating on me left and right, stole my credit cards and slapped my dog, I likely might not be able to care less who's life he's messing up. But if he was the love of my life at the time, and we broke up due to...a move across country, let's just say that I might be on his facebook page more frequently than others...
Just thinkin on the keyboard...
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
My Boy is BACK!
Really pissed that I can't embed the code from youtube, but this is a MUST-SEE! If you remember my post of dude doing the "Single Ladies" dance...this clip is a live performance on the Bonnie Hunt Talk Show...
(thanks www.dlisted.com)
he IS Sasha Fierce!
(thanks www.dlisted.com)
he IS Sasha Fierce!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Why Can't I Wait?
"Don't ever wait on no nigga."
"Don't waste your time waiting on some man to be with you."
"If he wanted to be with you, you wouldn't have to wait."
"Why slow yourself down to wait on a man to get his shit together?"
"Never make someone a priority, and settle for them making you an option."
"Don't waste your time waiting on some man to be with you."
"If he wanted to be with you, you wouldn't have to wait."
"Why slow yourself down to wait on a man to get his shit together?"
"Never make someone a priority, and settle for them making you an option."
Sound familiar? These are all statements and questions that I have heard numerous times from friends, family, and just in group discussion. Time is limited, time is precious, time is never a given. Who wants to ever waste their time on something that's not worth it? Wasting time could mean patiently waiting, impatiently waiting, saving yourself, putting in tangible effort with no reward, etc. Wasting time could mean exposing feeling and emotion and not feeling that those are being reciprocated.
So, I ask you fellow bloggers...what's the damn rush? Why does waiting for a relationship or waiting for love, equate to wasting your time? Why isn't OK to wait for someone to be ready for you and what you will provide? Disclaimer: there ARE situations in which you may be wasting your time. there ARE situations in which you are waiting for something/someone that is not coming. there ARE situations in which it would be best to move on.
Personally, I'd prefer to wait for something I know is real. I'll wait for someone to be in the place that they feel they need to be, in order to be with me. That shows that he's not only taking care of himself, but that's invested in making this a good relationship, and has realized what he is and is not ready for at the time. I don't take "waiting" as something to mean that hes disinterested, or the "player" type, or not good enough to be with me. This also does not mean that I am lowering my standards in order to cater to someone else's needs. I respect when someone either shows me or tells me that they are not looking for the same things that I am at this moment.
So, currently, I'm waiting. Waiting on a good thing, waiting for the best thing. Love between two people is never something that should be rushed because we're on some clock of relationship accomplishments and aspirations. Love should be something that each party is whole-heartedly invested in, at the time that each party is ready and willing to partake in it. So I'm waiting for situations to alter and for roles to adjust. And I'm fine with that. And, so what, say he's not the man I'm going to marry. The experience thus far, and the experiences we'll have in the future, are not ones that I regret, or will ever forget. I will wait for him now, because being with someone else will not be fair to them or to me. I will wait for my emotions to be in check. I will wait for my priorities to be in check. I will wait to be back to myself again before I choose to engage with someone else.
I'm fine with not dating anyone, and stating that I'm not dating because I'm currently interested in someone. Why should I be embarrassed to say that I'm into someone? How many times have you been interested in someone that may not be interested in you in the same capacity? It happens and it's a part of life. I'd rather be honest than trying to prove to myself that I'm date-worthy or lovable, or jump into something I know isn't right, but that I'm about to try to MAKE right cuz now's the time to be in love with someone. So yes y'all, I'm single and interested. Or, single and waiting for someone. However you want to look at it.
My time, my love, my commitment to someone are not things that can be rushed. Not now, not ever.
So, I ask you fellow bloggers...what's the damn rush? Why does waiting for a relationship or waiting for love, equate to wasting your time? Why isn't OK to wait for someone to be ready for you and what you will provide? Disclaimer: there ARE situations in which you may be wasting your time. there ARE situations in which you are waiting for something/someone that is not coming. there ARE situations in which it would be best to move on.
Personally, I'd prefer to wait for something I know is real. I'll wait for someone to be in the place that they feel they need to be, in order to be with me. That shows that he's not only taking care of himself, but that's invested in making this a good relationship, and has realized what he is and is not ready for at the time. I don't take "waiting" as something to mean that hes disinterested, or the "player" type, or not good enough to be with me. This also does not mean that I am lowering my standards in order to cater to someone else's needs. I respect when someone either shows me or tells me that they are not looking for the same things that I am at this moment.
So, currently, I'm waiting. Waiting on a good thing, waiting for the best thing. Love between two people is never something that should be rushed because we're on some clock of relationship accomplishments and aspirations. Love should be something that each party is whole-heartedly invested in, at the time that each party is ready and willing to partake in it. So I'm waiting for situations to alter and for roles to adjust. And I'm fine with that. And, so what, say he's not the man I'm going to marry. The experience thus far, and the experiences we'll have in the future, are not ones that I regret, or will ever forget. I will wait for him now, because being with someone else will not be fair to them or to me. I will wait for my emotions to be in check. I will wait for my priorities to be in check. I will wait to be back to myself again before I choose to engage with someone else.
I'm fine with not dating anyone, and stating that I'm not dating because I'm currently interested in someone. Why should I be embarrassed to say that I'm into someone? How many times have you been interested in someone that may not be interested in you in the same capacity? It happens and it's a part of life. I'd rather be honest than trying to prove to myself that I'm date-worthy or lovable, or jump into something I know isn't right, but that I'm about to try to MAKE right cuz now's the time to be in love with someone. So yes y'all, I'm single and interested. Or, single and waiting for someone. However you want to look at it.
My time, my love, my commitment to someone are not things that can be rushed. Not now, not ever.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Going to War.
I have war wounds. I have battle scars. I'm still in the midst of a war that I'll probably never win, but refuse to wave my white flag to.
A war with my mind.
A war with my heart.
A war with my soul.
A war with myself.
A war with my life.
The battle began years ago, when I was in my first "real" relationship.
The battle began years ago, when I decided what I wanted my career choice to be.
The battle began years ago, when I told myself that I would and could only be myself, and if ever placed in a situation where that was not possible, I would have to politely remove myself.
This battle continued into war. Unstrategized (sp), unsophisticated war.
The war to be me. The battle to make you happy. The battle to keep you comfortable. The war to keep myself and my psyche safe.
Why war? Why did things ever get that far? Why weren't/aren't things more compatible? Why is it so hard for me to be myself AND make you happy? Why did I find it so difficult to keep myself, my emotions, my heart safe, AND make you comfortable at the same time?
Statement of the problem: I took it upon myself to be responsible for your functioning. I told myself, that if I just did/do this differently, you'll be good. What the fuck happened to me being good? What happened to AY being comfortable and prepped adequately for a 7+ year fight?
Not only did I have no mental preparation for this battle, I had no ammunition, no vest, no weapons and no damn GPS navigation system. Left lost and delirious. Left alone and unprotected.
So, as it stands, I still refuse to wave my white flag. I refuse to eat my words, censor my passion, hide my emotion. I am in this war. I AM THIS WAR. A war with myself, a war with you, and war with him, a war with them. A war with the past me, the old you, the old him and the past them; and I choose to be here. My wounds are signs of struggle, signs of fighting, signs of what I had to go through to solidify where I need to be. This is a battle that I will fight for the rest of my damn life.
Because if I lose this war, I will lose myself. And the self that I love, the self that I am, the self that I want to be, is not someone who can ever be reclaimed once defeated.
A war with my mind.
A war with my heart.
A war with my soul.
A war with myself.
A war with my life.
The battle began years ago, when I was in my first "real" relationship.
The battle began years ago, when I decided what I wanted my career choice to be.
The battle began years ago, when I told myself that I would and could only be myself, and if ever placed in a situation where that was not possible, I would have to politely remove myself.
This battle continued into war. Unstrategized (sp), unsophisticated war.
The war to be me. The battle to make you happy. The battle to keep you comfortable. The war to keep myself and my psyche safe.
Why war? Why did things ever get that far? Why weren't/aren't things more compatible? Why is it so hard for me to be myself AND make you happy? Why did I find it so difficult to keep myself, my emotions, my heart safe, AND make you comfortable at the same time?
Statement of the problem: I took it upon myself to be responsible for your functioning. I told myself, that if I just did/do this differently, you'll be good. What the fuck happened to me being good? What happened to AY being comfortable and prepped adequately for a 7+ year fight?
Not only did I have no mental preparation for this battle, I had no ammunition, no vest, no weapons and no damn GPS navigation system. Left lost and delirious. Left alone and unprotected.
So, as it stands, I still refuse to wave my white flag. I refuse to eat my words, censor my passion, hide my emotion. I am in this war. I AM THIS WAR. A war with myself, a war with you, and war with him, a war with them. A war with the past me, the old you, the old him and the past them; and I choose to be here. My wounds are signs of struggle, signs of fighting, signs of what I had to go through to solidify where I need to be. This is a battle that I will fight for the rest of my damn life.
Because if I lose this war, I will lose myself. And the self that I love, the self that I am, the self that I want to be, is not someone who can ever be reclaimed once defeated.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
My Love Is...
Yo,I'm tripping right,
I heard you got married.
You got married?
It don't really...make any sense
I mean,
It's not like I--I didn't think you were seeing other people or whatever,
I mean, I was seeing other people but
You know what this is,
You know what it was, you...
I can't say I really understand though
You chose her cause she's sweet as pie
Take what you give, even your life
But baby, are happy without me?
She scrubs your back, washes your clothes
Gives you everything that ask for
But don't you ever want more?
Cause my love
My love is deeper
Tighter
Sweeter
Higher
Flyy-er
Didn't you know this,
Or didn't you notice?
(My love, my love)
My love is deeper
Tighter
Sweeter
Higher
Flyy-er
Didn't you know this,
Or didn't you notice?
Mmmm, what we had don't need no words
Deeper than anything you ever heard
I ain't reaching baby,
I know I should be your lady
You say you're happy
You say you're great
But you know and I know you really ain't
You need to come be with me
That's the way it's supposed to be
My love is deeper
Tighter
Sweeter
Higher
Flyy-er
Didn't you know this,
Or didn't you notice?
Cause ohh,
All I ever do is think about you baby
I hold you in my arms inside my dreams
And I know what I know and what I know is
That no matter where you go
You will always think of me...
My love is deeper
Tighter
Sweeter
Higher
Flyy-er
Didn't you know this,
Or didn't you notice?
Tighter
Sweeter
Higher
Flyy-er
Didn't you know this,
Or didn't you notice?
jill scott - my love
Friday, November 7, 2008
Black Love.
Black Love.
Something that lots of people, Black/White/Yellow/Purple, feel doesn't exist anymore.
Black Love.
Hardly displayed in the media, and pathologized in literature written about African Americans.
Black Love.
An entity, a power, a dynamic that has supported the souls of my Black people for hundreds of years; from Africa and outward.
Black Love.
The uniting factor that has kept my parents together for 34 going on 35 years., and hopefully many many more.
Black Love.
Epitomized by our new First Family, and contrary to popular belief, not just about sexual attraction and uncontrollable, uninformed urges.
Black Love.
Something so endured by this beautiful couple, and emulated beautifully by this family both on and off the camera.
Black Love.
Consisting of images that can no longer perpetuate the notion that this love, our love, doesn't exist anymore. Images that no long reinforce the notion that true, undefined, and original romantic love between Black people is a myth.
Black Love.
Something that I long for always, strive for always, and have realized for the first time ever in my life. Something that has no end, and that if true, will keep creating itself.
Black Love.
Please believe it. And please keep believing IN it.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Now See...
what the HELL Amy??
we can't help you, if you don't help yourself! (thanks www.dlisted.com)
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Not Praying...
I don't pray, so I'm hoping and wishing and thinking...that change gon' come; beginning today!
Get out there and 'do what it do' folks. Obviously if this message reaches you and you're not registered, then there ain't shit you can really do regardless. And I know all these pro-vote ads and messages are annoying the shit out of you. So, I won't do that today. There are enough people doing that all over. Shit, I'm registered, and voted already, and they're annoyng my ass! I will never tell people who to vote for. I'm not in the business of persuading personal decisions. I know where I stand and who I support the most. So, if you're a non-voter for whatever reason this 2008 election year, just be like me:
Hope.
Wish.
Think.
Hope that history is made today. Wish that history is made today. And think that it WILL be made today. Election '08!
Get out there and 'do what it do' folks. Obviously if this message reaches you and you're not registered, then there ain't shit you can really do regardless. And I know all these pro-vote ads and messages are annoying the shit out of you. So, I won't do that today. There are enough people doing that all over. Shit, I'm registered, and voted already, and they're annoyng my ass! I will never tell people who to vote for. I'm not in the business of persuading personal decisions. I know where I stand and who I support the most. So, if you're a non-voter for whatever reason this 2008 election year, just be like me:
Hope.
Wish.
Think.
Hope that history is made today. Wish that history is made today. And think that it WILL be made today. Election '08!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Throwback
Yo, do you remember the episode of Family Matters where there was gang and gun activity and Laura's best friend, Maxine, got shot in the parking lot for her flyy sneakers?
There are always those awkward episodes of sitcoms when they try to be real real serious and let the world know about some societal issues i.e. drugs, violence, STD's, eating disorders, relational aggression, rape, etc.
Personally, they need to just leave it to Lifetime movies...
There are always those awkward episodes of sitcoms when they try to be real real serious and let the world know about some societal issues i.e. drugs, violence, STD's, eating disorders, relational aggression, rape, etc.
Personally, they need to just leave it to Lifetime movies...
OTB's Christmas WishList
Check him out ladies...Hill Harper (b. 1966), actor on CBS's CSI:NY (in the role of Dr. Sheldon Hawkes).
Born Francis Harper in Iowa City, Iowa, Mr. Harper was raised by his parents to be one of the FINEST men I have seen in my entire life. He graduated MAGNA CUM LAUDE from Brown University in Rhode Island, obtained his J.D. from Harvard Law School (how he knows good ol Barack!) as well as obtained his Masters in Public Administration from Harvard as well.
He was voted one of People's Magazine's Sexiest Men Alive in 2004 (what happened to the other years???) He has had numerous guest starring roles, however his most notable role is his current CSI:NY spot. He has also done Broadway y'all! Mr. Harper is also a full time member of Boston's Black Folk's Theatre Company, one of the oldest and most respected Black theater traveling troupes!
Mr. Harper has also written two books (and spoke to them on Oprah) - Letters to a Young Brother: MANifest Your Destiny for young Black males (also started a foundation by the same name) and Letters to a Young Woman: DeFINE Your Destiny.
Mr. Hill Harper, will you marry me?
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Syracuse Meets Chicago!
So since I've been in the big city, there have been quite a few people from my past that have stopped through, which I'm always thoroughly excited about. It just seemed that as soon as I stepped foot here, this seemed to be the place for job trainings, new careers, sight seeing events, etc. So, I always love feeling a bit of my former life while I'm here.
Cuz it gets lonely sometimes. :-(
I've had ex-boyfriends / old lovers come to town, friends turned into brief lovers, best friends, as well as just good buddies stopping through town...and this weekend I ran into someone randomly from undergrad on the train, like, "oh sh*t! a familiar face in a big city!" While we didn't really hang out in undergrad, his face just brightened my entire evening...
Then I got the great news that someone I DID hang out with at SU just moved here this weekend! So what does this mean? Drinks, lunches, brunches and dinner dates to keep me sane (and help me procrastinate)! We grown now, we're gonna do it a little different from campus on the hill...
Hey, we all love the familiar. Personally, it brings me a little closer to the east coast, puts me more in touch with my past...and bring me a little closer to the real me.
Cuz it gets lonely sometimes. :-(
I've had ex-boyfriends / old lovers come to town, friends turned into brief lovers, best friends, as well as just good buddies stopping through town...and this weekend I ran into someone randomly from undergrad on the train, like, "oh sh*t! a familiar face in a big city!" While we didn't really hang out in undergrad, his face just brightened my entire evening...
Then I got the great news that someone I DID hang out with at SU just moved here this weekend! So what does this mean? Drinks, lunches, brunches and dinner dates to keep me sane (and help me procrastinate)! We grown now, we're gonna do it a little different from campus on the hill...
Hey, we all love the familiar. Personally, it brings me a little closer to the east coast, puts me more in touch with my past...and bring me a little closer to the real me.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
I Must Admit. But Only Here. And Only Now.
While I may never say this outside of this blog post, or blog atmosphere, I really do think that I went into college 6 years ago looking for love. I went to Syracuse University "single, sexy & free," waiting to make friends, go to parties, and get my life together and on the right track. I met as many people as I could the first few months, guys and girls.
Went to EVERY SINGLE Schine party (glad I got over that by junior year), dressin scantily clad, shakin that ass, and givin/takin numbers. Did I ever think I was going to find my soul mate at a dance party? Nah. I just wanted some options.
And attention. Which I got. Not a little attention; not a lot of attention; but just enough to keep me thinking that I was in control of things, and had something to offer.
Well, boy did I think I found TRUE love one month into my college experience! (not saying it doesn't happen, just quite rare)!! He was an athlete (ahem), from Jersey (like me) and had a sense of humor that matched mine almost perfectly. Body of a GOD, great smile, nice teeth; smart (although that wasn't noticed by others because black athletes on big college campuses are disenfranchised enough to believe that they don't need to be smart, they only need to be tough and get into a league)...but I digress. Everything was just right! So where did it go wrong? Where did we go wrong? Where did I go wrong?
I'll tell you. I went wrong in thinking that my hidden want/need for love and that perfect college relationship was what he wanted too. I went wrong in thinking that the way I felt for him was completely evident to him, and that in seeing how I felt for him, would prove to him that he wanted and needed to be with me. I was wrong in thinking that just because I was in that place in my life (or thought I was), that he would GET there soon enough to make this work.
wrong. Wrong. WRONG!
Not only did I make the mistake of actively searching for a relationship (somewhat unconsciously), I felt that I NEEDED a relationship (or what felt like a relationship behind closed doors but not outside the apt) to be happy, to feel validated, to separate myself from other women on campus doing their "thing" in a not so solid and safe fashion. I felt that being in a relationship would complete me, when I really should have been waiting patiently for something that COMPLIMENTED me. So, I waited. But was I waiting on any ol body? No. I was waiting for HIM. I put the ball in his court, to come to where he and I both knew he needed to be, which was with me. (Y'all, I was so crazy, I still can't believe I'm talking about this) I gave him all the options in the world, while limiting myself. He could see me when he wanted to; talk to me when he was able to; get it in when he had some free time after pratice or late after bar hoppin on Marshall Street...and I was good wit it! I was OK with that arrangement because I just knew deep down that he would see. He would realize. He would come to me. I was smart, sexy, sassy, consistent, confident...but therein lies my mistake. I was so gassed on my OWN ability to never fall into an unhealthy situation, that I was blind sided. I can't blame any of this on him. Sure, he didn't do what I wanted him to do; sure he didn't treat me as I felt he should have. But I let that shit happen. I presented myself as a woman who allowed that type of inconsistent behavior. So, why was I really expecting more?
Well, did he come to me? Did I get my college sweetheart story? Hahaha, well, I didn't get the story, but he did come to me. About 2-3 years too late. He came to me at a time that I WAS stronger, a time that I realized my self-worth adn vowed to speak up sooner than later when dealing with men. He came to me when I was no longer hurt, no longer mad, but appreciated what he taught me about myself. He came to me when he realized that he did have a good thing (when he had it) and wanted to show me that he has changed and realized the errors in his ways. So, I'm content that he came. And I'm content that I was able to express, 3 years after the fact, what I was looking for and why, and how he has had a large part in shaping my character with regards to relationships.
But 6 years later...a little wiser and a lot more true to myself, I need to accept what I am and how I feel.
I love, I yearn to find true love, and I want that fairytale story. I want the big wedding, I want the relationship that others wish they had. And upon finding this love, which was not as fairytale as I had hoped, and with more drama than I could handle, I realize that the love that I'm looking for will not come in that cookie cutter package that I thought everyone's would eventually come in.
The love I have, the love I know, the love I feel, isn't even with someone I'm in a relationship with. But it came. Not when I was looking for it. And not how I was looking for it. But when I needed it. And HOW I needed it. So it's here. And it's not going anywhere, at least not anytime soon.
But just knowing that I feel it, that I have the capacity to feel it, that someone else can feel that way for me, and that this shit is real, is really all I've been looking for.
Went to EVERY SINGLE Schine party (glad I got over that by junior year), dressin scantily clad, shakin that ass, and givin/takin numbers. Did I ever think I was going to find my soul mate at a dance party? Nah. I just wanted some options.
And attention. Which I got. Not a little attention; not a lot of attention; but just enough to keep me thinking that I was in control of things, and had something to offer.
Well, boy did I think I found TRUE love one month into my college experience! (not saying it doesn't happen, just quite rare)!! He was an athlete (ahem), from Jersey (like me) and had a sense of humor that matched mine almost perfectly. Body of a GOD, great smile, nice teeth; smart (although that wasn't noticed by others because black athletes on big college campuses are disenfranchised enough to believe that they don't need to be smart, they only need to be tough and get into a league)...but I digress. Everything was just right! So where did it go wrong? Where did we go wrong? Where did I go wrong?
I'll tell you. I went wrong in thinking that my hidden want/need for love and that perfect college relationship was what he wanted too. I went wrong in thinking that the way I felt for him was completely evident to him, and that in seeing how I felt for him, would prove to him that he wanted and needed to be with me. I was wrong in thinking that just because I was in that place in my life (or thought I was), that he would GET there soon enough to make this work.
wrong. Wrong. WRONG!
Not only did I make the mistake of actively searching for a relationship (somewhat unconsciously), I felt that I NEEDED a relationship (or what felt like a relationship behind closed doors but not outside the apt) to be happy, to feel validated, to separate myself from other women on campus doing their "thing" in a not so solid and safe fashion. I felt that being in a relationship would complete me, when I really should have been waiting patiently for something that COMPLIMENTED me. So, I waited. But was I waiting on any ol body? No. I was waiting for HIM. I put the ball in his court, to come to where he and I both knew he needed to be, which was with me. (Y'all, I was so crazy, I still can't believe I'm talking about this) I gave him all the options in the world, while limiting myself. He could see me when he wanted to; talk to me when he was able to; get it in when he had some free time after pratice or late after bar hoppin on Marshall Street...and I was good wit it! I was OK with that arrangement because I just knew deep down that he would see. He would realize. He would come to me. I was smart, sexy, sassy, consistent, confident...but therein lies my mistake. I was so gassed on my OWN ability to never fall into an unhealthy situation, that I was blind sided. I can't blame any of this on him. Sure, he didn't do what I wanted him to do; sure he didn't treat me as I felt he should have. But I let that shit happen. I presented myself as a woman who allowed that type of inconsistent behavior. So, why was I really expecting more?
Well, did he come to me? Did I get my college sweetheart story? Hahaha, well, I didn't get the story, but he did come to me. About 2-3 years too late. He came to me at a time that I WAS stronger, a time that I realized my self-worth adn vowed to speak up sooner than later when dealing with men. He came to me when I was no longer hurt, no longer mad, but appreciated what he taught me about myself. He came to me when he realized that he did have a good thing (when he had it) and wanted to show me that he has changed and realized the errors in his ways. So, I'm content that he came. And I'm content that I was able to express, 3 years after the fact, what I was looking for and why, and how he has had a large part in shaping my character with regards to relationships.
But 6 years later...a little wiser and a lot more true to myself, I need to accept what I am and how I feel.
I love, I yearn to find true love, and I want that fairytale story. I want the big wedding, I want the relationship that others wish they had. And upon finding this love, which was not as fairytale as I had hoped, and with more drama than I could handle, I realize that the love that I'm looking for will not come in that cookie cutter package that I thought everyone's would eventually come in.
The love I have, the love I know, the love I feel, isn't even with someone I'm in a relationship with. But it came. Not when I was looking for it. And not how I was looking for it. But when I needed it. And HOW I needed it. So it's here. And it's not going anywhere, at least not anytime soon.
But just knowing that I feel it, that I have the capacity to feel it, that someone else can feel that way for me, and that this shit is real, is really all I've been looking for.
MakeUp Bar!
So on Bravo's Real Housewives of Atlanta, the ladies went to a Makeup Bar located in downtown Atlanta. I'm thinking...what a FANTASTIC idea!
Just think about it...you, your friends, getting spa treatments and your hair and makeup done...while being served fabulous DRINKS!
You would think that every major city would have a Makeup Bar for their elite, and wanna-be elite and wanna just do something special occasion for big bucks type folks.
Wrong.
Upon researching, I've only located TWO makeup bars in the US! One in Atlanta, and one in Oklahoma City.
UPDATE: just found another one, in Cherry Hill, NJ!
Oklahoma City though? What happened to NYC, Vegas, LA, Miami, CHICAGO?!?!? Y'all are trippin & slippin.
However, if you ever find yourself in those cities with your girls and want to do something fun while having a night to remember, check them out!
Oklahoma City
Cherry Hill, NJ
Atlanta
Just think about it...you, your friends, getting spa treatments and your hair and makeup done...while being served fabulous DRINKS!
You would think that every major city would have a Makeup Bar for their elite, and wanna-be elite and wanna just do something special occasion for big bucks type folks.
Wrong.
Upon researching, I've only located TWO makeup bars in the US! One in Atlanta, and one in Oklahoma City.
UPDATE: just found another one, in Cherry Hill, NJ!
Oklahoma City though? What happened to NYC, Vegas, LA, Miami, CHICAGO?!?!? Y'all are trippin & slippin.
However, if you ever find yourself in those cities with your girls and want to do something fun while having a night to remember, check them out!
Oklahoma City
Cherry Hill, NJ
Atlanta
Monday, October 27, 2008
Do You Know What Today Is?
(sang like Tony Tone Toni...)
"It's my anniversary...it's my anniversary" (of my birthday!
And what a day it will be!
Filled with:
class.
books.
learning.
reading.
oh! and writing.
and lots of questions surrounding how i celebrated or how i plan to celebrate. and lots of me giving answers like "eh, not this year."
but yay me. 24 don't know what's comin!
"It's my anniversary...it's my anniversary" (of my birthday!
And what a day it will be!
Filled with:
class.
books.
learning.
reading.
oh! and writing.
and lots of questions surrounding how i celebrated or how i plan to celebrate. and lots of me giving answers like "eh, not this year."
but yay me. 24 don't know what's comin!
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Stolen Women: Reclaiming Our Sexuality
(pic courtesy of Amazon)"Gail Elizabeth Wyatt's Stolen Women explores how body identities are often shaped by deeply rooted myths and cultural stereotypes. Tracing black women's body images and sexuality from childhood to adolescence to adulthood, Wyatt powerfully explains in her introduction that "to the degree that we allow our sexual self-image to be defined by others, we will remain, as our ancestors were, stolen women, captives not of strangers but of the past, and of our own unexamined experiences. The challenge we face is to see ourselves not as others see us or want us to be seen, but as we are, as we were, and as we want to be."
Wyatt, a Ph.D. and professor of psychiatry and biobehavioral science at UCLA, explores the origins and hazards of these images through a psychiatric lens. Her use of case studies and behavioral research puts a human face on how these myths affect the development of young black women, and her careful analysis breaks down behavioral trends clearly and concisely. Black women are often seen in opposing sexual terms, either as completely nonsexual or perpetually sexually available. Wyatt fills in the gap between these two dangerous stereotypes, unpacking childhood messages about sex and exploring issues like how girls learn to be "ladies." She encourages all "stolen women" to regain control over their bodies from these external forces, allowing women to apply her work to their own lives and giving them the tools to break free, refusing to believe these painful myths are unchangeable." -- Amy Wan
So, I haven't finished this piece yet, but close to it. Dr. Wyatt looks at Black female sexuality from a historical, cultural and contemporary perspective. And...she does it RIGHT! Not only was I doing a lot of head nodding--I was writing in the margins, taking notes, talking about it with colleagues, friends, etc. This book has touched me. Similarly to Shifting (which I reviewed in an earlier post, Stolen Women looks at the lives of Black women today and how we have been affected by our past. how we have been raped, brutalized, exploited and stereotyped; and how we are still fighting this today.
As you may know, I'm real big on sex. But more importantly, I believe in having a healthy sexuality that you are able to express with whomever, whether this be through words, art, music, swag, or the act itself. Your sexuality is your own, and while people in your life do sometimes discourage it, and it may feel like it's been taken away from you due to low self esteem or trauma, but you own it! Big or small, short or tall, you are a sexual being, and whether you are sexually active or not, your sexuality is always a force to wreckon with, once you learn how to affirm it properly.
People will always try to label you, and as black women, we tend to be labeled as either promiscuous or asexual, never an in between combo of confident in ourselves and mature with our sexuality. So it IS our job to use it, and use it well!
Oh, and how awesome is it that Dr. Gail Wyatt a sex therapist?!?! Ahh, my idol. (for real though, I definitely plan on having a specialty along the lines)
Check this great read out ladies (black or white); I guarantee you'll learn about yourself, your peers, and your sexual power!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Take a Listen
Songs on my playlist (top right) that are a MUST LISTEN:
Goapele - First Love
Musiq Soulchild - Millionaire
Desiree - Kissing You (Romeo & Juliet theme)
Evanescence - My Immortal (forever in my heart)
Chrisette Michele - Golden (definitely a candidate for my wedding song)
Amel Larrieux - For Real
Ne-Yo, Jamie & Fab - She Got Her Own (hottest track out right now!)
...a personal playlist says a lot about a person and what they're been through, what they're going through, and what they're longing for...
Goapele - First Love
Musiq Soulchild - Millionaire
Desiree - Kissing You (Romeo & Juliet theme)
Evanescence - My Immortal (forever in my heart)
Chrisette Michele - Golden (definitely a candidate for my wedding song)
Amel Larrieux - For Real
Ne-Yo, Jamie & Fab - She Got Her Own (hottest track out right now!)
...a personal playlist says a lot about a person and what they're been through, what they're going through, and what they're longing for...
Pronounce "Le - A," I Dare You.
This email from a good friend made my day. Then...it made me sad:
SO, if you see something like this come across your desk, please remember to pronounce the dash.
I just don't understand. I just don't get it. How do we know when creativity has gone too damn far?
So...it's pronounced 'Ledasha.' Oh yes...you read it right.
THE DASH IS NOT SILENT.
This child attends a school in Livingston Parish. (Louisiana) Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her daughter's name wrong. When the mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said 'the dash don't be silent.'
THE DASH IS NOT SILENT.
This child attends a school in Livingston Parish. (Louisiana) Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her daughter's name wrong. When the mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said 'the dash don't be silent.'
SO, if you see something like this come across your desk, please remember to pronounce the dash.
I just don't understand. I just don't get it. How do we know when creativity has gone too damn far?
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Ain't This About A Bitch?!?
Now PLEASE try to tell me that racism no longer exists...(click the pic for full article)
This is Me, Today
Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's gonna to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment, maybe sing with me
All - ah peaceful melody
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved
So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
Scooch on closer dear
And I will nibble your ear
I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue
I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
Please don't, please don't, please don't
There's no need to complicate
Cause our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
Jason Mraz: I'm Yours (the acoustic version is best)
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's gonna to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment, maybe sing with me
All - ah peaceful melody
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved
So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
Scooch on closer dear
And I will nibble your ear
I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue
I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
Please don't, please don't, please don't
There's no need to complicate
Cause our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
Jason Mraz: I'm Yours (the acoustic version is best)
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