So...while celebrating NYE in all it's glory last night (really, this morning) I was struck by a few things said to me over the course of the night that make me think...
When is it OK to laugh off inappropriate commentary? Especially coming from males? And when is it important to care enough to say something?While dancing (which I did a TON of, which is not surprising if you know me), this
"dude" (I wish I could call him a gentleman) approaches me, and watches me dance with a friend. Says nothing, just watches for maybe...10 seconds. I turn to him, to which he responds with a smile, "I like that."
OK. I mean, I'm glad you like. I wore this, so you, and others would like. "Dude" proceeds to look and smile, then asks me for a dance, while taking my hand. I ask him something to the effect of, "Where are we going? Are you kidnapping me?" He said yes, and proceeded to guide me toward another area of the room we were already in.
We commence to dancing, bumpin, gettin low, whatever your fantasy. I ask "dude" his name (quick comment: I typically do not like talking while dancing, because it's small talk and dudes almost NEVER say the right things, case in point. However, sometimes I talk so that I control the conversation.) to which he says something I couldn't hear then gives me his
"street name." OK. I tell him my name and go back to dancing.
"Dude" then proceeds to form these words and have the nerve to say them to me (not verbatim): "Damn girl, you can dance.
I bet you can fuck, too."
Really, though? Is THAT the conversation you want to have with me right now? Is that what's hot in these streets nowadays? Now, part of me, a large part, wanted to respond defensively, and tell him how inapprop that is to say to a lady. Part of me would like to do the night over, and respond accordingly. However, what I did do, was laugh, say "wow, it's like that?" and continue to dance.
Shocked? Surprised?
Would you have done something different?
The reason I did this is because...I really didn't / don't care. Sometimes we give others the power to make us so upset, the power to get us so riled up...but for what? I wasn't in the mood to teach any lessons. He did not call me out of my name, and yes, his comment was immature, insensitive and raunchy. Eh - whatever. But clearly, I had no plans on engaging in anything with him past this dance, so why get mad? And me saying anything to him likely would not have changed anything, either. This, was apparently his swag. And that's cool. That's him. And I guess that has worked in the past for him. Swags are not meant to be compatible. You got yours; I got mine.
Minutes later....he proceeds to ask the "boyfriend in the room" questions, to which I explain to him that I'm single and here with friends. "Dude" then says (verbatim):
"You a dyke?" No boo, I'm not. Then I made a joke that if I was a lesbian (and I said, lesbian) that my girl would be the friend I attended with. To which "dude" replies:
"I bet you I'll eat ya pussy better than her." I guess he was trying to assert his manhood to me. Good job.
Wow. Again? Damn! Really, though? Which were the exact words I used, and proceeded to make my not so smooth getaway toward another friend.
I only write about this because I've been thinking about it alot. No, not "dude." But...the approach of men these days in an effort to get names, contact information, and eventually...sex. I can't speak to how / where men learn how to deal with women, but I can speak to how women handle the approach of men. My response last night was dependent on my mood. Which was very good and I didn't want to ruin it.
I tend to laugh things off that don't matter to me, and that I don't think apply to me. Kind of like laughing in your face, but not. So tell me, is this approach just another method of perpetuating the problem?
(Truly Blessed D. Gibson)
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