In Control.

I'm not the best person in the world. I'm not the nicest person in the world. In fact, I have numerous faults. Some that I'm ashamed of, some that I've tried to hide, some that I've learned to live with, some I try to ignore, and some I've tried to chop down. Sometimes my morals are non-existent, and I'm not always a lady. My smile is typically plastered on my face, and I tend to analyze any and everything that you say or do.

Sometimes I curse, and sometimes I'm irrational. Sometimes I get mad at the wrong person, and I don't apologize. Sometimes I'm very spiteful when I feel as though I've been wronged.

I can't cook that well, and if you really give a damn about that for wife purposes, you should look elsewhere. I also don't clean as regularly as I should. My place is frequently a mess, and I tend to clean when I'm about to have company, or when I get pissed that I can't find something that I'm looking for.

I don't pay all of my bills on time every month and I'm not great at saving. I don't always do my homework. I procrastinate like a professional. Sometimes I'm a bad friend. Sometimes I'm a hypocrite. Hey, sometimes I'm a straightup and downright bitch. And while I know this, don't you dare come out of your mouth and call me on it.

Sometimes I'm passive aggressive because I feel like being outwardly mean will cause a confrontation. Leading to, sometimes I'm a punk. Sometimes I start arguments just to win, and sometimes I start arguments with you to prove that you care. Sometimes I point out flaws in others as a way of denying them in myself.

Sometimes I act like the "typical" girl and sometimes I act like the "typical" dude. I get emotional, and know the perfect way to be a brat to get my way. Sometimes I'm rude to you, and don't really give a damn, no matter how much your feelings have been hurt.

My hair isn't always done, and I don't shower twice a day. Or every day for that matter. Sometimes I don't do laundry for months, until I'm down to bikini bottoms or washing old underwear by hand to wear the next day. Sometimes I pick my nose, and if there is no tissue handy, I "roll and blow." I don't act like an adult all the time, and my maturity wavers.

I've fallen for men for the wrong reason. I've had sex for the wrong reason. I've put myself in situations where all I could do is lose, but I just knew in my heart that I should win. I've conducted myself in ways that my mother would not be proud of. I've done things that my father would cringe at. And my brother and sister? Basically, they know very little about me.

I don't tell my friends everything and I've lied to all of them before at least once. Sometimes, the truth doesn't always come out and honesty is not always the best policy. I've hurt other women before to get what I want from a man, knowingly and unknowingly. My eyebrows are not always done, and if you saw my feet right now, you'd call the police. Sometimes I try too hard to get attention, just to prove that I still got it, and sometimes I shy away from attention for fear that I won't get any. I'm insecure on the occasion about my weight, size, height and intellectual capabilities. And sometimes I think that I won't be a good therapist.

Some of these things, I'm in control of. Some of this, I'm not. This is all to say, that with all of my flaws, I am still unconditionally in love with myself. I am generally proud of my accomplishments, and I am in love with the way that I love people. Many of these things about me will never change. While I do have some regrets, they have all taught me more about myself and the way that I choose to interact with others. I still sometimes conduct myself in ways that I'm not proud of, but being older, and being wiser, these are decisions that I have chosen to make, to try to secure my happiness in whatever area of my life. Whether I get what I want or get bit in the ass, the choices are mine now, and no longer a consequence of not knowing any better.

I'm in control of my life enough now to follow my mind only when I want to, and to follow my heart when I feel like I need to. The importance of this balance has just been realized, and although I may never get it right, I am comfortable and confident enough in myself to know that it would only be wrong to do it any other way.