Where Is He?

Does this question sound familiar?

Have you heard you friends say this?

Have you heard women on TV say this?

The infamous, "WHERE IS HE?" question runs rampant, and I must say, especially in the Black community because we're apparently pressed for good men! (Or so they say...the gender ratio is a whole 'nother post y'all) But anyway, many women find themselves asking themselves, their friends and their family this very question. And, trust, this question doesn't go away until they find "him!" And the longer he takes, the longer the question stands, and the more we begin to doubt ourselves or take a microscope to missed chances of the past...

I have a few friends who ask this question. Some way seriously, some only in times of sadness. But..they ask. Hey, I've even thought about the question before. But then I find myself getting too upset to even dare indulge it. Cuz honestly, this question annoys me. In fact, lately, it's actually pissed me off. I roll my eyes at the question. In the words of a good friend, "I spit" at this damn question. And I am very concerned at the increasing rates of Black women asking this question.

The # of women that I come across that have been pinned down by, cut down by, sent into psychological distress by, and dependent on this question to define themselves scares me. Now, I'm not saying not to be a fan of love and not to want to be in love and have someone love you. In my current situation, you KNOW I can't even go there! I am ALL about love! And I can only wish that every single person in this world could experience 14% of the feelings of love that I have for someone, and they'd be good in this area! But...I digress.

Anyway, my response to this question from now on, is (obviously not with clients):

Where are YOU?

Forget where he is. Forget what he's doing. Forget the fact that he's driving you mad and crazy, making you wait on him. Where are YOU in YOUR life, where you can't seem to function properly without him or the prospect of him? Where are YOU where you find yourself complaining about being unhappy with life because you're single or have been single for too long for it to be doing any good? Where are YOU with YOURSELF when you become dependent on another person (whoever that person may be) for you to shine through, do your thing, and have your own? Why are you waiting for him? What has he promised you, that you can only get from him?

I'll tell you what he HASN'T promised you, boo. He has NOT said that he would make you completely happy. He has NOT said that with him, you will be successful in the most important respects to you. He has NOT told you that with him, you will feel complete. Shit, he ain't even tell you he's on his way! He canNOT grant you that education, or that experience that you're getting. He has NOT promised to provide for you (or your family) upon his arrival.

So, please tell me, what are you really waiting for? And before you answer, look up the Cinderalla complex. Then look up the Prince Charming complex. Interpret what you find. Interpret what that means to you. Let it sink in that this is real world, and you must have your own. We're in a recession. Can't play no games!


Just thinkin on the keyboard...