My Definition...of Me.

As you regular readers (do I even have regular readers??) may know, I just started working on my dissertation, which is examining at Black women and sexuality. (That's all I'll say about it for now, or I'll be going for days!)

As I consume this mass amount of research, day in, day out, and as I read about Black women from a historical perspective, sociological perspective, economical perspective, mostly WHITE perspective, I find so many emotions arising that I'm gonna need to keep OUT of my writing for professional purposes! I am so ready to tell SO many "scholars" off that I can bust!

The main reason that I've decided to dedicate my life's work to Black folk (not exclusively, of course, that's not nice), but definitely community oriented, is because I am sick and tired of being defined by someone else. And by someone else, I mean the current dominant society. And by current dominant society, I mean Whites. Most of the research on Black people, Black culture, Black experience, is written from the outside. This is for many reasons.

It's not because Black people CANNOT write.

It's not because Black people DO not write.

This is because those who have the power to DISSEMINATE their writing, are NOT Black. Those who have the education, skills, and access to publishers and other educators, are our White counterparts. See a problem? Cuz I see a problem.

Historically, Blacks have been defined inaccurately, and without remorse, by others. Black females, especially, have been stripped of their authority to define themselves racially and sexually, from a history filled with sexploitation to a contemporary world of video vixens and hos. We have a complex that no one can deny. Why? Because we have taken on this damned definition that was given to us without knowing us, without respecting us, without BEING us, and we now learned to use it against ourselves. From our violence, to our sexuality, to our identity.

Well, I will say one thing.

I have been fortunate enough to be blessed with a fabulous family, great friends, and an undeniable education that instills within me the power to define myself. (AND to disseminate my own shit when I get my degree!) As I continue to read and learn, I am learning to finally examine and apply; what is said about me, what is said about my brother, my father, my uncle, my mother, my aunt, my cousins; what is said about you, and what is said about us; and use all of this information to RE-DEFINE myself, to RE-DEFINE my people, in our own words, through a Black lens, through THE BLACK EXPERIENCE.

I am a Black woman. That no longer equates to uneducated (however, it may equate to miseducated), poor or lazy.

I am educated. This means that I can do more than take care of house, home and kids. I can read, write, speak, judge, plan and deliver accordingly.

I have sex, and I like it. This no longer equates to being a Jezebel, ready to fuck and suck anything that comes my way, and not having sense enough to know how you regard my sexuality. I am not hyper-sexed, always looking for a good time, and incapable of sophisticated love.

I love. Not only my children. Not only myself. Not only my man. But I am capable of an unconditional love of my people, that I will never apologize for.

I can. I can do it all. And if your definition of me limits my ability to do anything that I want, then it is incorrect. And it then becomes my job, and my place, to correct you.