Why Blog?

Good question.

Why feel the need to blog when I have friends, family, associates and acquaintances that I can share my life with? Why feel the need to blog, when I can write in a journal? Why feel the need to put this life of mine on blast to strangers, friends, uncommitted stalkers, etc.?

Why, Why, Why?

I had another blog, on Xanga, for years. Something that I, as in real life, was not ready to be committed to. I would post every now and then, typically saying that I'm too busy to blog, or doing one of those long surveys to keep my "Xangans" coming back. I closed down one Xanga page, to open up another page soon after. For some reason, I just could NOT stay away from this form of expression.

What does blogging do for you, OTB?

Because with as many friends, family, associates, and acquaintances I have, including an amazing boyfriend, I am inevitably alone. And as many stories as I tell, as many different ways I can tell them, I realized that I'm not here for people to understand. It took me some time to get hip to the fact that I am difficult, can be complicated, fabulous, unsure, self-righteous, uneasy at times, selfish, bored, spiteful, hilarious, unhappy, misguided, silly, and lazy; for absolutely no reason at all.

And I do not have to explain a damn thing to a blog. Any blog. Or any blogger or commenter. This is my shit. I do what I want with it. I have control over this; the control that I apparently do not have in my "real life." I can control my settings, my labels, my emotions, and my expressions. I can be brutally honest, tender, critical, empathic, and raunchy as I care to; ways that I cannot always be off the computer, and especially not in my field of study/career choice. So, that's why I blog. To get back to me. Not the woman you see on the train/bus everyday going to class, work, or practicum. Not the woman you sit in a room with for 55 minutes every week and discuss the flaws that render you dysfunctional according to Western society. Not the woman making exceptional statements in classroom settings, and facilitating the coalition of Black psychologists in training in the Chicagoland area. Not the woman you see at Chase bank every 2 weeks depositing her check. And not the woman you see every Sunday morning having brunch alone at Rodan, sitting by the window. That's YOUR me. And to limit me to the one capacity you happen to see me in, however regular it is, diminishes my everything.

unconditional and unapologetic.