Step-Mom?

This was a draft post that I meant to complete when I had a significant other. Well, scratch that. I still have have a significant other; we are just no longer in a "relationship," for all intensive purposes of how folks choose to use that word. However, the title of this post no longer applies to my current sitcha-ation. However I'll speak on it anyway as a brief learning lesson for me, and something that many men and women need to think about these days when dating.

At one point in my life, a very short time ago, I considered being a mother. Fortunately for me, this motherhood did not involve a stretched out belly, morning sickness or cravings. This motherhood would have been a secondary bond, between myself and my boyfriend's children, if we were to get serious enough for me to be a regular part of their lives. But many factors were obstacles.

1. I'm not ready to be no one's mother. I'm not ready financially, emotionally, physically or mentally. Not that I can't be a role model, but, a mother? That's alot on the plate.

2. I don't have the time to be no one's mother. Granted, many women who become mothers have had to make the time for motherhood due to circumstances. But, seeing as how this is not something I have to do because of my physically growing girth, nah. My time is devoted to school and procrastination. And even being with his children for a short time did take away from things that I needed to be doing. However, I put in the effort, and I do not regret testing the waters, even if only for a few hours at a time.

3. I can't be no one's mother, if you NEED me to be a stepmom. Much different if you are a parent who is dating around, and you happen to fall in love with someone and you get serious enough to consider the role, and its discussed amongst you two, etc. You are able to handle your own as a single parent, or in a successful co-parenting relationship. HOWEVA, if you are dating, in order, however subconsciously, to find this step parent that you so need to help you in the role of parenting? There is going to be a problem. Even if I was in the position to be a step-parent, let's think about the pressure now placed on the relationship when I start dating you AND your children immediately.

Now, once upon a time, this was a rare issue that people who were dating had to deal with. Or, this was something that older couples had to deal with, after years of being with a partner, or being married, with a later divorce, and dating/remarriage. Bring in the Brady Bunch. But nowadays, people are having children much younger, and having MORE children, and unfortunately, more than likely out of wedlock. Or about to be in wedlock because of said pregnancy, or wedlock that isn't lasting long.

So step-parenting is definitely a new wave in the future in the lives of young couples. Actually, it's already here. It's easy to say "I won't date anyone with children," and it's also very understandable, as a means of cutting out the high potential for drama, and added stress of children in the mix of getting to know someone more intimately.

But...how reasonable is this is today's society to avoid even feeling someone, who has a child? Is it fair? To you, to block out a growing number of potential lovers and relationships? How fair is this, to those who have children and are single, that they may be classified as "undateable?" I've learned that I once thought was a preference, and circumstances that were must haves in relatinoships for me, really are not. My ex was the epitome of everything I said I did NOT want in a man (including having children), except for the love, adoration, mutual bond, ability to connect, sex life, humor, and level of comfort, etc. that he also came with. So can I say I wouldn't date someone who has children, after these most recent experiences and complications due to such?

Nope. I would do it again in a heartbeat. For me, it's not about the children; it's not about the children's mother(s). It's about how you handle the children, and their mother(s), in relation to your current relationship. So, yes, I'd do it again. I'd just do it differently.