The Marriage Talk.

So me and my ABC were chattin' it up in our usual bid for weekly procrastination a while back. Today's subject: Ex-Boyfriends / Lovers. And the inevitable question of, "What if they get married first?" / "What's gonna happen WHEN they get married?" leading to more questions like, "How will I find out?" and "What would I say?" and "What would she be like?"

AY: 9:35:48 AM I'm really hurt by X's marriage. While I'm happy for him.
AY: 9:35:53 AM Actually, I think I'm just very jealous
AY: 9:36:07 AM He's my first "ex" to do this to me.

This, said my me, and duly noted later by myself that my narcissistic side came out full blast in thinking that someone else's marriage, happiness and way to lead their life, should somehow still pertain to me. The audacity! However, I'm honest in this blog life, and yeah dammit, I said it. And part of me really meant it.

Funny to think that when we think about exes, we think about them with regards to us. If we're doing well, we damn sure want them to run into us in the streets. If not, we don't want to be seen by them because we don't want to have to avoid the awkward questions, nor is it OK for THEM to be progressing. ESPECIALLY not in the romantic scene. If I am single and pissed, you damn sure better believe that I'm not tryna hear that X, Y OR Z is in a stable relationship and moving on. Right?

Is this really true? Do we really think this? Does it depend on the ex? Does it depend on your current situation?

I will admit, that with certain "exes," I am still interested in what their romantic lives are like. I mean, is that wrong? Cuz if so, I'm wrong all over the damn place. For these particular men, some part of me would jump if I heard that he were either dating seriously, getting married, or having a child with someone. With some others, I am completely unconcerned or happy for them.

So does this mean that I'm not over those particular men? Does this mean that I'm jealous? Does this mean that I can't move on?

I don't think it means any of those. And I don't want to say that "misery loves company," because I'm not miserable, and I've never wanted my exes to be miserable. That's not nice. I just think it really depends on your CURRENT relationship with that person, and how you felt about when you were with that person, as well as why you're not with them. For example, if dude was cheating on me left and right, stole my credit cards and slapped my dog, I likely might not be able to care less who's life he's messing up. But if he was the love of my life at the time, and we broke up due to...a move across country, let's just say that I might be on his facebook page more frequently than others...


Just thinkin on the keyboard...