India Wil Tell You, Cuz I'm Tired...

People always ask, "Are you OK?" "How are you doing?" "How are you holding up?"
Or people always say, "You just need to distract yourself." "You'll be OK." "Hey, look at it this way...."

Do you really want to know? Are you tried and truly concerned with the thoughts that run through my head on a regular basis when it comes to emotional pain? You don't believe me when I tell you the truth. You don't want to believe me. Because my truth hurts. It hurts me, so it hurts you. So it's the truth. You're not willing to accept that someone can be OK with pain, with heartache. But I am. So...let me accept it.

I'm typically not good with words unless I'm providing assistance to someone else...(hence the profession; wounded healer I am!) so I'ma let India fill you in...

Good morning silence
Good morning to myself

Good morning to the pain in the center of my chest

It's crazy how much I miss
a simple good morning kiss
oh ohhhhh...

Good morning independence or is it loneliness?
I know I said I wanted this but I have regrets

I pray for God's will to be done
The very next day you were gone
Oh Ohhhhhh

Good morning to the harsh realities of life
and good morning to the fact we're not husband and wife

We made a promise to stay
But destiny got in the way
oh ohhhhhhhh

Good morning...

Good morning acceptance
Good morning inner strength
I'm loving every moment
even the strain

It's crazy how much I miss
a simple good morning kiss
It's crazy how much I've missed
Now it's time for me to live
oh ohhhhhhhhhh

Good morning...

Good morning optimism
Good morning to my faith
Good morning to the beginning of a brand new day

I know that God's will be done
So I lay down my pain and I'm moving on

I know that God's will be done.
So it's a good morning after all

Right Right

"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love." - Tom Robbins

A Good One

"You can't find peace until you find all the pieces." - The Locator.

Yes We Can

My Love Is...

Yo,I'm tripping right,

I heard you got married.

You got married?

It don't really...make any sense

I mean,

It's not like I--I didn't think you were seeing other people or whatever,

I mean, I was seeing other people but

You know what this is,

You know what it was, you...

I can't say I really understand though

You chose her cause she's sweet as pie

Take what you give, even your life

But baby, are happy without me?

She scrubs your back, washes your clothes

Gives you everything that ask for

But don't you ever want more?

Cause my love

My love is deeper

Tighter

Sweeter

Higher

Flyy-er

Didn't you know this,

Or didn't you notice?

(My love, my love)

My love is deeper

Tighter

Sweeter

Higher

Flyy-er

Didn't you know this,

Or didn't you notice?

Mmmm, what we had don't need no words

Deeper than anything you ever heard

I ain't reaching baby,

I know I should be your lady

You say you're happy

You say you're great

But you know and I know you really ain't

You need to come be with me

That's the way it's supposed to be

My love is deeper
Tighter
Sweeter
Higher
Flyy-er
Didn't you know this,
Or didn't you notice?

Cause ohh,
All I ever do is think about you baby

I hold you in my arms inside my dreams

And I know what I know and what I know is

That no matter where you go

You will always think of me...

My love is deeper
Tighter
Sweeter
Higher
Flyy-er
Didn't you know this,
Or didn't you notice?

jill scott - my love

This is Me, Today

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's gonna to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment, maybe sing with me
All - ah peaceful melody
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Scooch on closer dear
And I will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
Please don't, please don't, please don't
There's no need to complicate
Cause our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Jason Mraz: I'm Yours (the acoustic version is best)

Serenity. More Ways Than One.

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other." - Reinhold Neibuhr

"O God and Heavenly Father,

Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; the courage to change that which can be changed, and the wisdom to know the one from the other, through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen." - Queries and Answers

"For every ailment under the sun

There is a remedy, or there is none;

If there be one, try to find it;

If there be none, never mind it." - W.W. Bartley

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference." - Alcoholics Anonymous

"God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

As it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

If I surrender to His Will;

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life

And supremely happy with Him

Forever and ever in the next." - Unknown

Whoever said it, however you want to spin it, serenity is something we all long for; something we all need a bit of; something that seems impossible to attain, and something we cannot get from our external world.

I'm slowly learning that my own personal serenity has to come from within...I can't blame my supposed lack of it on my busy school schedule, my clients, my dissertation; no. I can't blame it on family illness, break ups, bad friends...I've been so caught up in the serenity of the world; the serenity that I think others have that I don't; the serenity of those in good relationships, with good friends, good food, satisfying careers, etc. But, why am I so caught up in the comparison? Why is his/her serenity any more valuable than my own? How dare I even try to place value on mine and other's peace?

Say What Snaps?

A good friend of mine, SNAPS, posted to her blog the other day on a life changing event and came away from it with this FABULOUS quote:

"PEOPLE WILL ONLY TREAT YOU AS WELL AS YOU PRESENT YOURSELF TO THEM"

At this trying time in my life, this quote resonates with me so much that I almost shed a mothertruckin' tear when I read it! (Thanks Snaps, thanks-a-lot) SO anyway, this phrase can be applied to damn near any context that it is placed in, concerning relating to other people. Whether professionally, romantically, friendly, familially (likely not a word), whatever, I find that people treat you the way they see you. In my profession, working with severely chronic psychotic and mood disordered folk, this definitely applies. I treat my clients, and form a therapeutic relationship with them, based on how I see them, and vice versa. If they do not trust me, they will let me know, in their own way. If they trust me and depend on me for guidance, they will act like it. Mind you, these presentations wane depending on the situation of course. But, I digress.

In the context of societal influences, everyone treats others based on their own personal categorization of them; whether by race, creed, height, gender, eye color, location, swagger, anything. We all have these set schemas in our mind that guide us on how to live, based on what we've been through or what we've seen others go through.

Pretty self explanatory stuff, right?

If I've seen the likes of you before, whoever YOU are, I will act accordingly. If I've acted toward your like a certain way in the past and got burned, I will from here on out change my swag with your like. If I had a pleasant experience with "your like" before, again, I will act accordingly. By accordingly, I don't mean according to YOU, I mean, according to ME, and MY experiences.

Again, pretty simple stuff, right?

So, as I begin my two year dissertation project on Black male / Black female relationships, this quote is emblazoned in my mind. As black men and women navigate their way through their respective dating pools, moaning and groaning about what's not out there for them, looking on as more and more White folk their same age are tying the knot, starting families, building new lives, they need to keep this particular quote in mind.

While this quote is equal opportunity, I am especially talking to my Black female cohort. Men will continue to treat us, how we demand to be treated. Disclaimer: some men ARE in the art of taking advantage of women, and the stability and health of a relationship is dependent only upon the stability and health of EACH partner, so even if a woman presents themself in one way, they treat them in another. However, even in the case of someone taking advantage of another, only YOU decide how you will be treated and what you can and will put yourself through. While a tough decision to make when it comes to love, you know yourself best, and you know what you want / need in your relationships. But again, I digress.

If you present yourself as needy, dependent, looking for love, NEEDING a man's protection and affection to be happy, then...you will be treated as such, my dear. If you go into a relationship and give YOURSELF (which is all you got) up, trust, someone will TAKE YOU THERE. If you let men (or women) get away with the bullshit that you would gossip about if another girl were your the same situation, then change needs to be made. And introspection needs to take place. That, in itself, in letting shit go down, is presenting yourself, as willing to deal with it. And ladies, we seem to forget this time and time again. We are ALWAYS presenting ourselves to other people. And we have many different presentations. If you continually PRESENT as a woman who will suffer through abuse, neglect, disrespect, str8 up trash, then you WILL be treated as such! Sorry.

And this is not to blame anyone. Self-esteem is subjective, and our pride is a force to be reckoned with. However, IT'S ALL IN THE PRESENTATION OF SELF!

Please self-reflect. It's the only way that we, as a society, as a people, can make it.

"Style is the best way to say who you are, without having to speak." - Rachel Zoe

Preach!

Tristan: Come with me. Come with me!
Isolde: I can't!
Tristan: Why not? Please!
Isolde: Tristan, we both know this can't be, we've known it from the start. That doesn't mean it isn't true, it is, it just cannot be. I want to know that you're alive somewhere thinking of me from time to time. I want to know that there's more to this life and I can't know that if they kill you. Please! Go.

Golden

"I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all

I'm so ready to give til' the day that my life is no more

I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be

Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Be the man of my dreams and get down on one knee, Love

Say you'll be all I need and then ask me to marry you, my love

Lets take two golden bands and lets walk down the isle, Love

I'll say I do and you'll say I do, make a golden commitment, oh

Let's last forever (let's last forever)

No typical american shady love

Let's stay together (let's stay together)

Pray God smile upon ours"

Chrisette Michele - Golden (on my playlist)

I tried this...I was everything I knew what was in a good woman...He tried this...man of my dreams, would ask me to marry him if he could...so why wasn't it enough?

Golden committments just do NOT equate to golden lives...

Smiling...

[Chorus:]
And so I put on my makeup (put it on, put it on)
Put a smile on my face (a smile on my face)
And if anyone asks me (oooh yeah)
Everything is ok (oh I’m laughing)
I’m laughing ‘cause no one (no one, no one)
Knows the joke is on me
But I’m dying inside with my pride and a smile on my face
On my face (oooh)

Tamia - Smile

Love Quote Time

"I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly." - Pablo Neruda

Take 'em to CHUUUUUUURRRRRCH!

"If BS were currency, Palin could bail out Wall Street herself."

(click on it)

This is Me, Today

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.
-- Author Unknown

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
-- Anon

Stand up and walk out of your history.
-- Phil McGraw

True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.
-- Author Unknown

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
-- Joseph Campbell

You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind.
-- Author Unknown



I painfully and heartbreakingly let it go today...doing what we don't want to do now, so we can do what we need to do later...

How You Livin'?

"Hell has no wrath like a woman scorned..."

preeeeeeeeeach! Now I'm not gonna get all "sistah girl" with this one, but y'all know what this means...and what this means for you, him AND her...

So think first, people!